Blog will be down for a long time till WHEN I FEEL LIKE POSTING!

Its hard.w.are.

1week since school reopens... topics are boring and filled with tons of jargons...
reading up searching reading up...
Seriously i rather they give us some sort of resources to read beforehand rather than letting us fish the needle from the ocean... sigh... worst part of all is that the information are similar... and with common words that is hard to search when goggled.. Wrong wrong wrong... So imagine spending much of the time searching for the info which turns out wrong... FRUSTRATING...
My daily grades are also at risk...
SIGH!

Facis are unkind...
Either they are strict and rigid...
Or they are nag alot and refuse to let us go home early and keep dragging the time till it reaches the dot... awful.
I confessed that I really did worked harder than previous sems..
apparently luck issnt at my side..


Which comes to the question What is luck???


Luck - the force that seems to operate for good or ill in a person's life, as in shaping circumstances, events, or opportunities.



So its a kind of force that help shapes things in a good way...
then why is it a force?
can it be a one time occurrence?
an invisible force that helps people?
What about invisible force that harms people?
Bad luck - which is a force that does not help us to shape things in a good way?
how does it work?
is it predetermined?
if its not predetermined then how so does one certain person had tat luck when others doesnt have?
if it is predetermined then to what extend can i say that becos that force... even if we do this or tat action... nothing will change that we having this luck happening?
does free will exist or determinism or fatalism or simply Defeatism?????

ARGH><

ARGH><

ARGH><

Go bac to indulge my dramas and mangas and animes...
Running man is awesome~ *a pity its going to end soon*

Quotes Project

Reading around.
Surfing around.
And those quotes seems really... enlightening...

Lets get some wisdom through some quotes from some...
FAMOUS and old... AND dead... humans.
And this time we will only focus on 1 area...
Reflection!
Skim through and enjoy it...
Opinions need not be voiced as it shall be a subjective one...
Jus reflect on it and take some time to think...
*dunno them thoses old ppl nvm de... afterall their names doesnt matter, but what their insights are matters*

PRESENTING:
Old people #1
Cicero

Appetitus Rationi Pareat

Advice is judged by results, not by intentions.

Art is born of the observation and investigation of nature.

If you aspire to the highest place, it is no disgrace to stop at the second, or even the third, place.

A friend is, as it were, a second self.

The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.

You may trust him in the dark.

Their silence cries aloud.

Old people #2
Socrates

The unexamined life is not worth living.

To find yourself, think for yourself.

Children nowadays are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannise their teachers.

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

The hottest love has the coldest end.

I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.

Old people #3
Plato

There is no such thing as a lovers' oath.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

If a man neglects education, he walks lame to the end of his life.

Ignorance, the root and stem of all evil.

Justice means minding one's own business and not meddling with other men's concerns.

Know one knows whether death, which people fear to be the greatest evil, may not be the greatest good.

You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.

Old people #4
Carl Jung

Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.

In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.

It all depends on how we look at things, and not how they are in themselves.

It is a fact that cannot be denied: the wickedness of others becomes our own wickedness because it kindles something evil in our own hearts.

The word "belief" is a difficult thing for me. I don't believe. I must have a reason for a certain hypothesis. Either I know a thing, and then I know it - I don't need to believe it.

The word "happiness" would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.

We should not pretend to understand the world only by the intellect. The judgement of the intellect is only part of the truth.

Nobody, as long as he moves about among the chaotic currents of life, is without trouble.

Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.

This is wat im ending wif..



NEXT!!!

- Sem 1 coming to an end. Counting down 2 weeks.
- UT2 all done.., left UT3
- Java assignment #2 handed. Presentation on Tue 12.30.
- PP approved, left presentation and poster making.
- Module selection done, left result, hope i get wat i want.
But regretted my choice... Should have taken....
C363: Financial and Banking Applications I
or
C361: Manufacturing and Logistics Systems I
Then by the following year I can have a chance to take
C364 : Financial and Banking Applications II
or
C362 : Manufacturing and Logistics Systems II
Sigh...

Survive my last few weeks!!!
I can because I MUST!!!

Victor.Frankinstine.Project.

"Gradually we become tired pf the old, of what we safely possess, and we stretch out our hands again. Even the most beautiful scenery is not longer assured of our love after we have lived in it for 3 months. and some more distant coast attracts our avarice: possessions are generally diminished by possession." - Nietzsche

Love is an ambiguous thing...
Love more and crave more and thus showing that you lack of love and thus you had to search for more love...
Either a eternal searching process that does not involve changes that applies that you want to find your (poetically speaking) other half or destine one and that your love for that will be opps.. FOREVER (hate this word).... or that it is a eternal search for something different that is from what the this upper part of blog's paragraph wrote...
Its really up to you...

Suckers...

Be like victor here...
he made a monster of his own..
U can be a better & more improvise version of him...
Make a more beautiful, tailor made "lover"?
Then you can make it love you which settles the part for eternal searching process that does not involve changes....
And you can dump it or remake it by input new personalities and sorta...
Which also can settle the part where you got bored of the "lover" and wants to find new ones...

Humans... all too Humans...
Awesomely dead...

DPDP

i think most of u will noe this...
DPDP = different ppl different perceptive.
Year 1s' LOVES to use it...
Reminds me of how my class presentation will go by the retorting of the faci's qns with DPDP...
its like a classic...
A must use thing in RP~


Life is still the same...
I slack whenever i can...
Do watever i needed to do with the least effort and attention.
Thinking about skipping and partial-ling classes jus for the sake of having the impulses and the desire to do so...
at the same time hoping tat the world will jus end...
blahh...

Some ppl are too sensitive while others are simply too thick..
im the thick one!!!
And did i not mention tat im crazy... and absent-minded??

Im officially a yaoi-fan-girl...
If u despise me...
U can go fuck yourself off...
I like guy X guy...
Cos its interesting...
I see it as a form of art...
Its like to 2 hands drawing each other hand...

http://kafee.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/drawing_hands.jpg

Seems logical??
Nope...
See how 2 hands are drawing at the same time...
How can 1 hand be drawing another hand if it doesnt exist at 1st to draw the other hand without being drawn by the other hand...
Get it???
NVM~
It is how i felt of yaoi~~~
not Logical but irrational and awesomely interesting...

WEEEEEE~~~~~

Things to do...
UTs... Java assignment#2 (freaking la... #1 already make me @@.. now theres #2)
PP (if approve YAY... if not approve... im in serious trouble...)....
And lastly... HOLIDAYS...
IM SERIOUSLY COUNTING DOWN...
AND IM SERIOUSLY THINKING OF SKIPPING CLASS...
OMG!!!

I need a strong faith and passion and determination to do tat....
TO GO SCHOOL!!!
nvm.. i dun have it anyway...
Ciao... im cutting class... go home and sleep...

Rights

Why cant i choose to do what i like?
Why am i restricted?
Time is something so luxury that i couldn't afford to have.
I'm poor.
In terms of materially and mentally.
I don't own knowledge.
I don't own gadgets/property/materials.
I don't even own myself.

Juz waiting. Still.

I'm currently waiting for my subs and some to release.
What subs and release u may ask me.
Japanese and Korean mainly. Although there is some... exceptions.
Manga, Anime, Dramas... mostly...
It is freaking killing me.
I meant the waiting.

Starting to detest going to school.
Grades are struck with Cs. and only Cs.
Fuck them. All of them.
Classmates started to bond...
Maybe too well.
I hate bondings...

Grey anatomy season 6 ended with A BANG~
The guy went firing around.
He said he bought his gun in a supermarket and the ammos were on discount so he bought more...
Nice~
Bang he goes Bang he goes...
Wonder if I could... Neh this is SG...

I wan to watch some shows but idk y the connection is so sucky...
Eks.

Things needed to deal with:
1) UTs
2) Object Oriented Programming (OOP) assignment
3) PP scope

Sianz I just want to slack~

Suffocated

Do you have times when you just feel that you are suffocating?
That you are trapped, confined and that you are trying hard to breathe as normal as you can but in your heart, your body herself, knows that every time you breathe, you are grasping as much air as you can get, but you just cant seem to get enough no matter how much you had taken in. Your mind cant think properly, either because of lacking of oxygen or that purely, you are delirium. A strong urge of just to stand up and leave seems like the only option to, break out of this suffocating situation.
But rationally, somewhere in you tells you that you cant, you cant just leave like that, you simply cant leave. You struggle, whether to get air or to think properly, it doesn't matter. You will try fidgeting around to find a better position to reposition yourself and at the same time you start wondering about possibilities, of what will happen if you get out this instant, will I feel better? Where should I go? What will happen if I have gone? etc.
These action-less and unnecessary thinking dies down and arise up and dies down again repeatedly. Like a vicious cycle, a loop with no false command to it and that it will go repeat itself over and over again, countless of times.
But, there, in fact, had no option in the first place. You are suffocating because you know you cant get out in the first place, that you dilemma was needless. The conclusion is already there and yet you simply didn't had the heart to accept it.
You start to be irritated at every single thing. Blaming everything and anything. Faces, people, their voices, laughter, the tiny and slightest movement they made. All of those, you just wanna either shut them out or leave the place and away from that all. It was probably aren't their fault, you know it. But they will always be wrong to you. They are the cause. For if they are right, then what am I?
A failure to being with? A runner? A loser?
Then what am I to believe in myself when I am wrong myself?
Is this about self-esteem or is it about existence of self or is it about a crazy person and her whining or grumblings?
It is up to you to think what it is.
But if you once felt that way then please reflect on it and we can discuss on it.

Java.Confession

Tat thing was pure irritating shit...
I cant do it!!!
CANT!!!
So here I am... pondering whether should I skip or should I not skip...
Evil piece of shit...

Java = shit
Understandable?
Totally.
Java = ASM good at it?
Understandable?
Totally. NOT!

Thought of reading up on Java on sat or sun (8/5 or 9/5)
But as u all know...
I didnt...
I slept, eat, slack, downloaded tons of non-educational softwares tat meant to degrade my intelligence and get me addicted to computer games...
Spent time... precious time on useless stuffs which are mention above.
I seriously should study at least a bit of Java...
But i didnt.
I feel guilty and obligated to study for it since the UT is near...
But still I didnt.

I feel like running away from it.
Run.Devil.Run.
Avoiding all those.
ALL.


Suddenly thought of this:


I am once a white blank paper waiting to be filled.
Since being made, hope of me being an important one was instilled in me.
Into all others.
I thought so too.
I believed it once, naively too.
Like all other papers.
But the flaws in me shows that I not the ones.
That my purpose was not for the greater good.
That I cant be part of an essay or a book.
Instead, I became used as a waste paper.
Wasted.

But a 2nd chance was given.
I was recycled.
Hope rise.
But I didnt realized that,
Hope was a cruel thing,
Esp when it is to papers like me.
I was crushed.
Awaiting for my fate of being recycled.


In the end,
I still cant be the white paper that I envied to be.
No matter how hard I tried,
No matter how many times of being,
Reused and recycled.
The difference is still there.
I can hide it,
I can conceive myself that I am a paper,
A useful one.
By increasing in quality and other enhancements.
That I can eventually be,
like,
the same as those white papers.
But the difference are there.
Lay bare and opened for others to view.
Its there.
Forever.

Nothing will change in the end.
I will remain the fate of being recycled again.
Cos I am nothing more than the white paper,
and that I am nothing less than a recycled one.
I am just,
A waste paper,
A recyclable one.
A wasted once before potential white paper,
But now a less or to nothing important recyclable one.




Depressing world.



It 2am.
4 more hrs to school.
I'm still infornt of the computer.
Still.
Pondering on the same questions.
I had asked myself countless of times on this questions.
Still.
I didnt have a certain answer.
Still.
Still.
Still.

I always do things half-heartedly.
I always do.
Neither here nor there.
Neither black or white.
Neither good or bad.
Always liked tat part of me.
But it doesnt mean it will apply to all parts of me.
Still.
Still.
Still.


I think if 1 day, I have a choice, I will want to be a mental patient.
I will certainly be a good one.
I can succeed in doing it well.
I can finally be good at something.
I will not be neither here nor there.
Cos being mental is being neither here nor there.
Mental.
Still.
Mental.

Okay. I'm going to school.
And get my ass-kicked by Java.

If I could...

If i could love... i will,
If i could hate... i will,
If i could, If i could, If i could...

It all seems so hypothetic... All words... Solely ideas... False hopes?... Sketchy thoughts?... Unforeseeable future?... Reflections?... Heaven?... God?...

Its the "If" that makes it all so... like an unattainable reality... a dream.
What can turn the dream into a reality?
The answer is: THE MEDIUM

The medium in this case is the thing that makes it a reality, can be courage, actions, efforts, chance or even luck?

IDK IDK IDK...

Had a great time with cliques... Despite waiting for more than 2hrs and had suffered from fatigue, hunger and headaches.... ya... fun... saw monkey... Wan report ppl to STOMPS... noises... and nostalgic shouts and beating from certain... D.I.A.N.A.... and the urge to move my table and chairs away from... HAHAHA^^
All well... All well...

Last but not least... Happy bday mutter 21st <3<3<3~

Free.day

1st day of sch was a total chaos...
Met alot of ppl...
Class was... not bad???
Everything seems.. up till now... FINE?
Eat dinner wif baka, hs and peier...
Realised tat baka is super baka...

LOL

At nite had a slight headache so i ate the med tat my yr sis took from the polyclinic when she faked her illness...
Didnt really help wif my headache BUT it surely does make u super drowsy...
I fell asleep a few mins after taking it...
Drowsy...

I suspected what the hell is the med so i researched the names of the ingredients...
Paracetamol and Orphenadrine...
DIAO!!!

Friday is my free.day
Woke up at ard 10
Play computer games the whole day...
Nice and relaxing...
Plan to read my books...
But wif my grandma singing and nagging me...
No mood...
So instead i indulged myself with computer games and ear-deafening musics...

Kylie Minogue - Can't Get You Out Of My Head

Makes you hyper~
Old songs sometimes jus have the magic to make u roll~
Lalala lalalalala~


Found some drawings which i drew out of boredom when i was taking the 1st aid classes... BTW shaz was there too...

Maybe. Maybe not.

Currently eating an apple while blogging.
Current mood is super super anger and feeling like venting my anger on anything and everything. But at the same time my brain is telling me not to do it as it is rationalizing everything my anger wants to do. Which means they are sorta having a internal debate.
Sch is reopening.
Hope that the world have more wars, conflicts, death and causalities, suicides and more trees.
Wants to cut my brain out and examine it myself? and study it closely and sew it back and be alive.
Gibberish talks.

Amazing how .... people can be.
They are wrong. We are wrong. I am wrong.

Last but not least. I threw the eaten apple out the window, hoping to kena someone...
Neh... JK
My brain wins the debate.

Mini Lib

Bought lots of books.
13 books to be exact.
Broke.
Don't ask how much i spent, cos i will reply with one word: "LOTS".

1 book in particular named Nausea - Jean Paul Satre.
Cant find it.
Shopkeepers answers are all the same. "NO STOCK"
EEKS.
Argh i wan tat book!!!
Ma ne~

Havent open the plastic wrappers for most of the books.
They looked too cute to open~
New new de~ WEEEEEeeee

Started reading Sophie's World - Jostein Gaarder
"Who are you?" and "where does the world comes from?" are sorta the focus of the book.

Tomorrow(17/3) I shall FORCE myself to get started with the driving book for BTT.
Cos my BTT is on Thurs 18/3. Marvelous. Im gg to fail.
But miracles do happen right?
Do they?
Do they not?
Hope so cos the need to go bac the center to register again and wait for at least 2-3 months to re-take my BTT sounds annoying and MAN FAN!!!

My brain seems empty and blank.
I couldnt care less and I couldnt think more.
Therefore Im definitely interested in existentialism.




Rose is a rose is a rose is a rose. - means "things are what they are"
So lets take things nice and slow, go with the flow and let it be.
Process is what we will remember for life and reminisce in future.
Conclusion is what we sought and desire for.
If its good it changes my life,
If its bad it affects my life.

CNY-> SCH HOLI-> THEN WAT???

CNY
Had a great time playing cared wif my friends who come up wif companies and companies and had tons of investors investing all ard...


CH HOLI
Started quite a period of time....


THEN WAT?
Havent got a clue in wat i should do during my holidays...
1) Read? But had to find books to read.
2) Shop for books... ? No need to cos i found out tat we can online buy books through Kinokuniya and I can either pay through payment upon delivery or choose to collect it at the store. Sounds cool. But didnt dare to try it. Who dare to influence/pei me,
3) Borrow Books from Lib... ? Im an extremely slow reader... so I think I will stick with the 2nd option.
4) Go shopping for clothes and stuffs and spent $ like till ur pocket is empty? argh>< wasteful? no? yes? normal? women's privilege?
5) Go jog? =.= *considering*
6) Eat sleep play lappy eat sleep play lappy *continue this vicious cycle till sch reopens* sounds so rotten.
7) Work? Neh no lobang... No ppl pei.
8) Re educate myself? like learn bac the things tat i stopped half way.
9) Others? havent think throughly enuf...
Sigh~ most probably I will be sticking wif No.6
ZZzz

Feb...

4 more days then 5 more UT3 and im offically off...
Holidays...
GG to decide on whether to work or to slack...
Worried about my Ut3... as i said... get D and below... = DEAD


Anime Letter Bee and Hidamari Sketch Season 3 are making me wait...
Family outing is gg to end and the new one arent tat interesting... SAD
Criminal minds season 5 ep 14 is slow... it had aired in USA but no one upload it in china websites... ARGH><

Diana is blocking me out. Father jo is... invisible???

Argh I wan to go High Tea SHAZZZ

My Maths RJ on Friday Jan 8 2010

If you had the chance to change 1 thing in your life, what would you change?

Response: The 1 thing I will want to change is the way I
think/feel/understand. As if I want to change
something in my life and the something definitely have
to be something that I am most dissatisfied with. But
after changing that something, it means that I will
naturally be content with it and the I will not change
it again. The something that I assumed to be uncontent
with should be in my own view useless and unwanted.
Therefore by changing the way I think/feel/understand
I can change the fact of needing to change again.

Blah~

BTw... I done badly in my Maths UT2... woots... IM GG TO FAIL~